Sexuality: attraction toward others, desire levels, and relationship structures.
Have you been confused about your sexuality at one point in your life?
Were you exposed to environments where exploring your sexuality was available, safe, or supportive for you?
Have you fluctuated on your sexual attraction or desire for someone, or people in general?
This is the thing, sexuality is a ginormous spectrum.
This is something that isn’t taught in mainstream culture. We grow up believing we are either gay or straight, male or female. We are told we should be regularly horny, but only when the time or place is appropriate. We are told to have one life partner, forever and always.
It just isn’t that basic. Attraction and desire are varied experiences.
Attraction is the wanting of emotional or physical closeness. (Platonic or romantic.) How do you define your personal attractions? Are they fluid? Do you have confusion or curiosity?
There is no right way, there is no wrong way, just the way you want to be. The way that feels right for you.
Sexual Identities
Learning about different identities can help us expand our minds and understand ourselves better, even if we don’t fully subscribe to them personally. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but below are a few sexual identity terms.
Agnosexual: Someone who is undecided about their sexuality, or someone who may have experienced attraction to a certain gender once or a few times but is unsure whether or not they have a preference.
Aromantic: an umbrella term, or stand-alone identifier, for someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction.
Asexual (Ace): an umbrella term, or stand-alone identifier, for someone who experiences little or no sexual attraction.
Bicurious: someone curious about having sexual/romantic attractions and/or experiences with more than one gender.
Bisexual/romantic: being attracted to two or more genders.
Demisexual: a person who only experiences attraction to people with whom they have formed a strong emotional bond first.
Demiromantic: People who do not experience romantic attraction until a strong emotional or sexual connection is formed with a partner.
Graysexual/romantic: people who experience very low amounts of attraction; people who experience attraction rarely or only under certain conditions; and/or people who are not sure whether they experience attraction.
Megasexual: Megasexuals are characterized as individuals who lack emotional connection toward any person or persons unless they first form a strong sexual connection with someone. The level of sexual connection it takes for an emotional bond to form is often dependent on the initial attraction to the person.
Omniromantic: a person who can experience feelings of romantic love for all genders and sexualities.
Omnisexual: someone who can experience sexual attraction to those of every gender and sexuality type.
Panamory: Of or relating to romantic or sexual love with partners of many sexes, sexual orientations, gender identities, and/or relationship orientations.
Pansexual/ romantic aka omnisexual /romantic: capable of being attracted to any or all genders.
Queer: [may also be spelled Kweer, Quare, or Cuir] is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender. Also used for any (sexual, gender, or relationship) experience outside of normativity.
Questioning: the term for someone who is unsure of their sexuality, sexual preferences, or gender. Questioning does not necessarily end when a person takes on a sexual identity; it may continue for one’s entire life. Questioning can be a period of reflection about what one does and does not like, either about oneself or how one experiences sex.
Sapiosexuality: type of sexuality in which sexual attraction to others is based on intelligence (rather than physicality).
Sex-ambivalent: describes a person’s mixed feelings about sex or things related to it.
Spectrasexual/romantic: one who is attracted sexually and/or romantically to a wide variety of genders or sexualities.
(Definitions © Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke Sexual Orientation Handout 2020 ISEE)
Identities can be fluid, ever-changing, and in flux. You can subscribe to one identity at one point in your life, and another at a later time. Nothing is permanent.
Afterall, I am a believer that even the most cis-hetero of people lie somewhere on the spectrum that isn’t as far leaning as they might initially assume. 😱
For us more fluid folkx, our environment likely plays a factor. Who you spend time with and who you are around can expose you to other ways of thinking and feeling. All of which are valid. And if curiosity strikes, this deserves honest exploration (questioning is an identity for a reason).
This fluid feeling is also true for sexual desire. Romantic relationships do not need to lead with sex. Sex doesn’t even have to be a part of it. There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t crave sex often. If this is a familiar feeling, name that and respect that!
If you constantly crave sex and your partner doesn’t, here’s the solution: talk about that. Same for if you have a fetish, you are allowed to create space for that. It’s all good. We are varied humans. This goes for non-monogamy too. Are you curious about it? Does it feel like an identity you align with?
Try on an identity, see if it fits. And be honest about your exploration.
The more you give yourself permission to explore, the more you will get to know yourself.
If you’re curious about what other kinds of identities are out there reach out! We can talk about that.
Have fun!
Lizzy
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Pussymedia.net - A bilingual encyclopedia for all things vulva.
Understanding Asexuality - I just… asexuality is extremely misunderstood. I encourage everyone to take the time to learn a bit more about it.
Dating Coaching 🔥
Feeling unsatisfied in your dating or sex life? I am here to help. Let’s turn those lackluster connections into ones that feel empowering and confident. You deserve to feel fulfilled in your romantic and sexual connections.
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Amazing research!