Everyone thinks everyone else is having more sex than them. 75% of America assume other people have sex once a week or more (only about half of Americans actually do). 25% of Americans haven’t had sex in the past month, while 95% of people assume they (others) have.
Turns out the average American actually has sex 4.75 times a month.
(And before you go there, having less than this doesn’t make you boring or stuck, and having more than this doesn’t mean you’re wild and crazy or satisfied.)
Sexual assumptions keep us small. Assuming everyone is having more sex than you. Assuming people are heterosexual. Assuming a high body count means low self-worth. And assuming good sex means lots of sex.
So what’s the deal with these assumptions around the frequency of sex? Where did we get this idea that the more we do it, the better everything in our life is? That is of course, as long as we don’t overdo it. Too little sex is bad, too much sex is bad.
It’s not the amount of sex you are having, it’s the kind of sex you are having that matters.
I mean this in regard to sex with yourself and sex with others. You can still have sex without your partner or if you don’t have a partner. Good sex starts with yourself.
I also want to be clear that good sex, or successful sex, is not about the ability to orgasm either. 30% of men and women agree that the inability to orgasm is the reason why they have stress in their sex life. Orgasm is the goal of so many people. But there is SO MUCH MORE to good sex than orgasm. Don’t you agree?
So, what kind of sex matters?
Here are a few examples, take what resonates with you and leave behind the rest.
When you are present in your body
When you feel safe communicating your wants, desires, and needs
Being playful and curious
Patient and kind sex
Foreplay focused
Fantasy driven
Erotically connected
Full of non-penetrative touch
Considerate of after-care
The kind of sex that you want to be having. Leaving behind comparisons and shoulds.
Do you have anything else to add? Please share! Let’s inspire each other.
Separately, take some time to write about the sex you enjoy having. That you want to be having. What’s it like? What excites you, turns you on, and makes you feel calm and within your body? What do you want more of? Less of? Think about some memorable sensual moments in your life. What was so satisfying about them? It’s really not all about the person you were with, it’s about the context. These are important things to understand about yourself within your good sex journey.
Things to think about:
72% of people are more interested in sex trends they haven’t tried (roleplaying, voyeurism, polyamory. Why is this? Because novelty is exciting. The unknown is alluring. This is why people like to travel, eat at new restaurants, and watch movies.
63% of America agree with the statement, “My overall quality of life would improve if my sex life improved.” Don’t settle for the sex you don’t desire. You are the one responsible for your sex life, not someone else.
If you want some tools on how to figure out the sex life you desire and communicate this with partners, consider upgrading to a paid subscription and becoming a good sex club member. ❤️
Inspirational Gems 💎✨🔥
All statistics pulled from the For Hims 2022 Let’s Talk About Sex Report. There’s a lot more good stuff in there, if you’re curious I encourage you to check it out.
Slow Pleasure by Euphemia Russell. This book is beautiful. It’s the perfect way to start your inner body's sensual and sexual self-experience. I constantly look to this book for body awareness exercises.
I have also been loving this Body Oil by Maude. It’s part of my nightly routine that bleeds over into my morning routine. You get 10% off with code LIZZYJ10. 🙃
And don’t forget I made you a Sexual Self-Reflection Workbook. You can download it here.
Club BodyTalk Parties
Did you know I host sex (education) parties? I even host a sex toy party with Flossy. They are really really fucking fun. If you’re interested in hosting one fill out this form. Let’s throw a party together.
That’s all for now. Happy Humpday!
❤️ Lizzy
So smart, encouraging and fun, as always.