Creativity for Emotional Release

The Pleasure Letter November 2023

Happy November, the second to last month of this incredibly challenging time (year) for so many of us. I know pleasure might feel absolutely impossible for many of us at this moment. How can we revel in pleasure when so many people are in pain? I hear and feel this. My heart is heavy every single day. But I feel discomfort deserves to live in balance whenever possible. Yes, this may be a privilege, but taking care of ourselves is our duty. There are many types of action you can and should be engaging in. We can’t have open minds and open hearts if we feel we don’t deserve pleasure. Our relationships with ourselves and others will suffer. Our relationships are a life force. For many of us, community is how we learn, love, and keep moving forward. It’s how we pick ourselves up and keep being of service.

An Update on Last Month’s Pleasure Goals:

For the record, many of my pleasure goals for last month will roll over to this month. Mostly because I’ve noticed the difference after prioritizing them.

Daily Walks: These have been going very well. I do them almost every day. I’ve noticed a difference in my body, my sleep (when my cat isn’t yelling at me through the night), and my ability to enjoy my evenings more intentionally. I will keep this as part of my routine. (These are very good for having political conversations with friends…)

Dance More: Even though I haven’t been dancing as much as I like, I have technically been dancing more. For example, my partner and I left a “night out” on the earlier side to go home, put on a few records, and have a dance party with just each other. We both found it cathartic and a preferable way to spend a weekend evening.

Relationship Check-Ins: These could be better. We are completely absorbed by the news and it dominates our conversations. Might try again this month. Even if it’s just once!

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Pleasure starts with yourself.

My intention with this month’s goals is to hold space for a heavy heart. It’s not about tapping out, it’s about “mowing my lawn” so I can either release emotions creatively or stabilize my ground.

Watercoloring: I bought a knock-off of that viral watercolor set you may have been seeing on TikTok. I’ve always really enjoyed painting with watercolor. It feels like a very expressive and slightly unpredictable way of painting. It’s soft and fluid. I’ve been wanting to explore creativity with my hands more. In the past, I have used it to build confidence, feel silly, and practice being detached from an outcome (I am very type A so I need this.) I am someone who puts a lot of effort into things, and I have found blind drawing and open painting as something I can lean into without wanting to control the result.

Studies have shown that art therapy has reduced symptoms of PTSD, improving people’s moods and positively affecting brain activity. There are also countless studies done about how art can be a cathartic release for stress. Science says art is good for you, especially when you are in emotional pain.

Meditating: The classic “I want to meditate more” challenge. But really, I know I need it. I’ve been using Insight Timer and I do enjoy guided meditations. But I also read the book Good Sex by Jessica Graham earlier this year. There are tons of great meditation techniques in there to help you get in tune with your body. I highly recommend it.

What is something creative you can do as a release? Something that doesn’t require perfection or is removed from any expectation. The beauty of the arts is that there are many different ways we can be creative. Music, movement, drawing, painting, collage, bead-making, sewing, coloring inside or outside the lines. Try to pick one thing and explore it at least once this month. Let me know what it is!

How to redefine sex during times of emotional strain.

Sex is meant to be an intimate moment where one, two (or three) bodies interact with one another for a pleasurable release. I’ve said this many times, sex is not exclusively penetration. Sex is about nurturing intimacy and its many forms. Let’s think about what contributes to intimacy.

1. Emotional Intimacy: Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your partner. Deep, meaningful conversations can strengthen the emotional connection between people

2. Physical Touch: Hugging, cuddling, holding hands, and gentle caresses can provide a sense of physical closeness and connection

3. Kissing: Kissing, including passionate and tender kisses, explore your kisses, what is kissing really about anyway?

4. Compliments and Affirmations: Express your love and appreciation for your partner (or friends) through compliments and affirmations - these go a long way, trust me

5. Sensual Activities: Engage in sensual activities that are not necessarily sexual but can be intimate. This could be massages, taking baths, or dancing…

Intimacy is a deeply personal and evolving aspect of any kind of relationship. Ask your people where they find peace, joy, and closeness when spending time with someone.

Now, when you’re navigating grief yourself, nurturing your sexuality can be a challenge. Remember to be gentle with yourself. Take some time to reflect on what your needs actually are and what emotions are coming up for you. Communicate that with the people you care about and seek support where you might need it. It’s okay to ask for help.

Sensuality within self-care can be really powerful. Think about some activities that make you feel good about your body and yourself. This could be some type of movement practice (…dance in front of your mirror…). Writing, painting, or playing music can also be a way of sensual expression. Masturbating is another wonderful example…

Sensate focus is one of my favorite sensual touch practices. Especially during times of emotional hardship. Sensate focus involves two people taking turns touching and being touched by their partner. The focus is on experiencing and enjoying physical sensations rather than sexual performance. It’s a body scan of exploratory touch, verbal guidance is optional. Learn more about sensate focus here.

Sending you all lots of love.

💖 Lizzy

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